Relationships

The Let Them Theory: 6 key ideas

by Mel Robbins

The core ideas of The Let Them Theory, each in under a minute, written in our own words. Want the full depth? Get the book.

1. IDEA 1 OF 6

   Let them

   When people act in ways you can't control, such as leaving you out or disagreeing, let them.

   Trying to manage other adults drains energy you could use on your own life.

2. IDEA 2 OF 6

   Then, let me

   Letting go is only half the move.

   The second half is asking what you will do now. Your response is the part you actually control, so put your energy there.

3. IDEA 3 OF 6

   Stop chasing approval

   Trying to make everyone like you is exhausting and impossible.

   Let people think what they think. Focus on whether you respect how you acted.

4. IDEA 4 OF 6

   Use envy as a signal

   Comparison can be useful if you treat envy as information about what you want.

   Instead of resenting someone's success, ask what step it suggests you take.

5. IDEA 5 OF 6

   Protect your time

   You don't owe everyone a long explanation or a yes.

   Let people be disappointed sometimes. Your time and energy are limited, and spending them to avoid discomfort is costly.

6. IDEA 6 OF 6

   Treat people as capable adults

   Rescuing and fixing others implies they can't manage their own lives.

   Let them make their choices and live with the results, and hold yourself to the same standard.